my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize