omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize