everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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