I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
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I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize