Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
whose ass print is on the piano?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize