you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
that may or may not have been my penis.
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