id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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