there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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