He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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