There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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