I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize