And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
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Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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