Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize