I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My ass is underappreciated
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize