he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
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He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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