he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize