This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
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second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
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came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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