I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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