And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
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Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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