I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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