Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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