we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
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your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
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some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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