Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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