I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
When are your genitals available?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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