Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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