My nipple is on Facebook.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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