Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
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I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
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I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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