i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize