Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
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I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
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Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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