You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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