You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize