sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
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Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
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I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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