WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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