I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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