She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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