My first STD was from a foam party
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
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I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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