sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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