I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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