One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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