Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I am midnight drunk by noon
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So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
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Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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