Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
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