I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
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I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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