there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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