My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
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It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
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When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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