You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just had sex on a roof
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize