i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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