This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize