I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize