im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
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I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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