i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
