Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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