I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize