i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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