Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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